Good/Bad Acting

I don't claim to work for rotten tomatoes or to be the next Ebert.  But my former post about Shakespeare and the quick reference to Daniel Plainview make me think about the quality of acting.  When I think of great actors, I think of Daniel Day Lewis.  "There Will Be Blood" may be an exhaustibly long movie, but the acting in that movie is phenomenal.  Lewis is the kind of actor who hasn't really been in that many movies.  I mean the man has been acting for a pretty long time yet I can only think of three movies that I know he's been in.  He is picks his roles very carefully and completely masters his part.  I respect that in an actor.  Quality NOT quantity.  On the other hand is the actor who is all over the place but produces mediocre movies at best.  Not to pick on anyone in particular, but Matthew Maconahay.  He's been all over the place with crappy romantic comedies but he hasn't done a role that requires a serious performance.

Another fine actor who I am a big fan of is Adrian Brody.  I just saw him in the Brothers Bloom.  A great movie.  Go see it.  Very Shakespearesque with a deep running theme in fiction as reality.  This is probably my favorite movie of the last five years.  The movie was literary, entertaining, funny, thought provoking, clever, imaginative and well casted.  Just see it.  Don't compare it to a Wes Anderson film, because while it has some similarities, it is not a Wes Anderson film.  It is better.  It is much more coherent than any Anderson film I've seen.  I've already said too much.  See it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HPXfmqIy-4

Next post goals: discussion of the book(s) I am reading - "Why We Hate Us"

Shakespeare: Twelfth Night

This post is a spin off from my last post.  Looking for the connection?  10 Things I Hate About You (Heath Ledger, Julia Stiles, and the girl from Alex Mack, one of the best shows Nickelodeon ever produced alongside Pete and Pete) is an interpretation of Shakespeare's, The Taming of the Shrew.  So there you have it.  

Last night I saw a production of Twelfth Night, one of Shakespeare's comedies, at the Old Globe in Balboa Park (essentially meaning that the play ends in marriage and not death).  Without becoming too periphrastic (one of my daily vocab iphone app words, and I know I know, OOOO wow, Brad's using big words in his blog, but give me a break, if you don't use it, what's the point!) the play revolves around the character of Viola, who disguises herself as a man after a shipwreck on a foreign land.  She is in love with the duke of that land who bids her (him) to woo Olivia, who in turn falls in love with Cessario (Viola's man name).  Oh yeah, it gets more fun with Viola's fraternal twin brother cruising around the island of Illyria unbeknownst to his sister or anyone else.  Its really a fun play and the rendering of it last night was well done.  Most of the parts were very well executed minus the role of Sebastian (the twin brother) who I found rather dry.  On the other hand, the role of Andrew Agucheek was brilliant.  If you don't know what I'm talking about you should see the movie in the very least.  There is a good one with Ben Kingsley in it as the fool Feste.  

To speak more specifically about last night's performance, the costume and setting were adapted to an affluent 1950s Mediterranean setting.  Recently seeing a beat version of mediocre A Midsummer Night's Dream, I was a little skeptical when I saw the costume designs in the program.  Despite my apprehensions, the play really was fantastic.

If you are going to approach Shakespeare, at least as a hobbyist and not as an essayist, I suggest approaching it in the following descending order: live performance, film version, audio tape, text.  Shakespeare is meant to be on stage.  Period.  It is really enjoyable seeing all the entrances and exits of each character, how each character interacts with the set and each other on stage.  There are little nuances that make the live production more enjoyable, at least in my opinion.  You don't get cuts or edits, you get ad lib and improv if something goes south.  Productions are always changing.  Sets from one year to the next.  Performances from one night to the next.  Its a lot of fun being a part of something that is presented in its entirety from beginning to end without a director's CUT and a coffee break.  I hope to attend more plays in the future.

It did help to sit second row back to the slight left of the stage thanks to a 50% student discount.  Seriously, hold on to those IDs and milk those discounts for as long as you possibly can.  My student ID doesn't have a date on it anywhere so as long as it isn't scanned, nobody will know whether or not I actually am in school or not.  Hopefully they'll be offering student discounts for a showing of "Herringbone" playing at the La Jolla Playhouse throughout the month of July.

Oh the pain

It hurts me to return to this page after such a long absence... yet again!  I feel like I've neglected a malnourished child.  Too be honest I feel a lot like Daniel Plainview when he proclaimed "I have abandoned my child!"  Or I feel like a trapped television viewer who finds himself taking a break from some pointless show to be greeted by a Santa Claus type looking character with a child sitting on his lap.  No, the child is not asking for a Red Ryder BB Gun.  The child is poor and asking a previously unsuspecting audience for donations to the Christian Children's Fund.  Okay, this is a bit dramatic buy you all know what I'm talking about.  But to quote another completely unrelated movie, "I'm back in the game!"  as said by nice-guy Cameron in 10 Things I Hate About You.  This brings me to a few things I've been meaning to blog about: Shakespeare, bad/good acting, and my summer reading progress.

Reading and Running

I just read my last post eleven days ago promising two stories in my next post.  Well, I regrettably and laughingly must say I have no idea what stories I was supposed to recite to you all.  The whole bit about saying I'm going to write two stories was somehow going to help me remember to actually do the writing part of it was a failure to say the least.  My apologies.  This last week has been insanity.  I had papers, finals, standardized CBEST testing, graduation ceremonies and family gatherings, and an apartment to move out of all in a 7 day span.  So without further ado, I will recommence my blogging on this summer day.

I am currently signed up for two half marathons, mid August and mid October for the American's Finest City Half and the Long Beach Half, respectively.  So training is in full swing in order for me to get myself in shape by mid August.  To aid me in my endeavor I have started tracking my mileage on mapmyrun.com.  Technically, its a social networking tool for runners where you create a free account and can see what other runners are doing, or what other runners are running.  I like to use it because it allows me to keep track of my mileage without knowing specific routes.  I go for my run and keep track of time with a stop watch.  When I get home I map out my route on the site and punch in my time and wala.  It tells me my per mile rate and allows me to keep a calendar of my training.  Its also very useful for determining how far you want to run before you leave.  You could map out 6 miles exactly if you wanted to or you can look for runs in your area that other people are doing.  Its pretty cool.

Training is quite difficult I am finding.  Running and building up more and more endurance will come without a doubt, but its difficult to find time everyday to train.  Even just to run 5 miles takes quite a bit of time.  At least an hour if you include stretching and cool down.  Even more than that, I like to do 15 minutes of push ups and stuff before I go and shower off.  And then I usually will want to go play tennis or basketball later in the day.  And its only going to get longer too.  By the time I'm running upwards of 10 miles, I'll be at it for closer to an hour and half or two hours.

Moving on... I am starting to read this book called Why We Hate Us, "American Discontent in the New Millennium."  I am not too far in but I have had very mixed feelings thus far.  I sometimes feel like what the author is saying is obvious, or that he is simply just really negative and not worth reading (although I know resolutions come at the ends of books).  But there are times where some intriguing things are said.  I think I will use this book as a springboard for the next several posts. 

Side note: I am trying to finish Coetzee's "Waiting for the Barbarians" and will eventually start "For Whom the Bell Tolls" after that and will read concurrently with the Meyer's book that I mentioned above.  

Meyer's book starts off with a list of things that he believes everybody hates, or at least that one of his old column (CBSNews) readers hated and he agrees with.  Ridiculous things that the average person would dislike, such as people that clip their fingernails in public restaurants and the cosmetic line labeled "S.L.U.T.".  He then moves onto a larger complaint.  America's hypocrisy with the media, how we hate it and yell at it and call celebrities and reality stars stupid but spend hours watching them.  He reports in a study that on average, Americans spend 8 hours a day in front of electronic devices.  So that is essentially 8 hour work day, 8 hour media/electronic splurge, and 8 hours of sleep.  There is the American 24 hour cycle.  I appreciate the author's numerous allusions to Holden Caulfield in appropriately describing America's enemy in a national self pride - phoniness.  Caulfield hated phonies.  America is full of them.  I appreciate Meyer's quoting of columnist Lars-Erik Nelson's statement that "Conservatism isn't the enemy.  Liberalism isn't the enemy.  Bullshit is the enemy."  I couldn't agree more.  The media has turned Americans against one another.  The media has created the reds and the blues, the liberals and the conservatives, the atheists and the religious.  It is a polar nation.  The media is painting a picture of a divided nation, yet nobody is winning.  We are all still unhappy.  Just 19% of Americans, in a CBSNews poll, agreed that America was heading in the right direction in 2007.  I don't feel like that could be any higher right now given the poorest economy in decades.  We go to school and learn about the 60's, a time of revolution in America, a time usually deemed "turbulent," yet the numbers of "satisfied Americans" are now more than half of what they once were in polls taken in the sixties.  Yet, instead of fixing the problem together, Americans are still playing the "us" versus "them" game with each other and their own special interests, not realizing that we are all the "us" of America that media and big money are feeding off of.  The battle is against phonies and appearances, not each other.

I look forward to reading more, and hopefully finding more solutions than complaints.

I am really tired right now, but I must persevere with this blogging.

Things I find odd:

-the spelling for "shamee" is actually chamois.  I don't really see it.

-the handshake or hug exchange that usually ends in a weird combination of both.  A hug with locked hands in between the two participants stomachs.

-even more odd is trying to play it cool afterwards.  I find that playing it very uncool and just calling out the awkwardness is the best way to eliminate the awkwardness; a belief most don't share with me.

More to come.  I will tell two stories in my next blog.  Writing this not only puts all of you on the edge of your seat until i post my next blog, but also reminds me to write it at all.

"Tell us about yourself"

I went to the career center today for a workshop called "Job Search Jump Start."  Despite the title of the workshop, I really am in last place I feel like in the job hunt race.  I feel like I learned some valuable tips about resumes and cover letters, while some other things were pretty common sense, i.e. eye contact during an interview.  We did a little exercise with the person next to us to answer a possible first question of an interview; the duzy- "tell us about yourself"

The question seems simple enough but when asked to tell a peer who you don't know "about yourself" for a minute straight with out awkward breaks of silence, the question was impossible.  Its a deceiving question I feel like.  The workshop leader said that that is a great question to really sell yourself if its the first thing they ask.  I don't know though.  If I was an employer, I feel like I would use the question to break the ice and relieve anxiety for a would be employee; a moment for them to describe themselves... anything they wanted.  Apparently, "Tell us about yourself" = "tell us why you think we should hire you" or "brag about yourself."  Why can't I answer that question with my gut.  I feel by using the question to sell yourself is missing the point of the question.  Is it really the goal to define yourself through your desire for that specific job?  Thats essentially what the workshop leader was telling us.  

If an interviewer asks me what I can bring to the company then I'll tell them and try and sell myself.  If an interviewer asks me to describe my qualifications, I will sell myself by telling that person such.  But if I am asked to describe myself, I am more inclined to say that I love reading and writing and the beach, athletics and sailing, camping, or that I'm a twin and that my parents are divorced, or that I'm Catholic, or that I'm passionate about people... you know things that actually form my identity.  

My next favorite interviewer question is "What do you consider your weakness?"  This one can be the ultimate lock up if you're not ready for it.  Your eyes will migrate towards the ceiling and you'll stare at that fluorescent light until the cows come home trying to think of an appropriate answer.  Some of my favorite bad answers: 

"I'm a workaholic" - Lets all be honest, this is the annoying answer that desperate people give in order to turn a "negative" question into a positive and make you sound like a self righteous kook at the same time.  This is the answer that basically says, "I have no weakness but to serve you till death master!"  Next please. 

"I like people too much" - not really possible in my mind.

I'll stop there.  Basically any answer that changes the point of the actual question - for you to analyze a real weakness of yours and show to your employer what you have done to strengthen yourself in that area.  The idea is to show your employer self improvement and an ability to identify one's own self.  Now this isn't easy because it is a weakness for a reason and therefore isn't something that'll probably sound good, but they asked for it after all.  I'm not really sure what I would say mine is at this point, or at least one that I would tell my possible future employer.  Do you think they would mind if I said I was complacent, which might be just one notch above lazy?  Maybe I'll just take the easy way out:

Mr. Munns, What do you consider your weakness?

"I find that my weakness is being able to identify a weakness... it really is difficult, I can't think of anything..."

I'm sure I'll get hired on the spot with that quip.

blogging hodgepodge

Wow, I have really been letting my readers down lately.  Blogging really does take dedication.  I have been spending less time blogging, and more time making lists of things to blog later.  I have thought about getting a twitter account in light of Mr. Mitchell's new activity, but I am very hesitant.  Part of me agrees with him; it is in a sense a quickie blog, a convenient substitute when time is at a premium.  I guess for me, a twitter wouldn't be about what I'm doing, but more about what I am pondering or thinking.  I don't want people to know what I'm doing all the time.  

I think its weird when people start broadcasting their every moment to the world and I feel like most often people use it to try and garner some sort of sympathy from their friends.  The "I have the longest day ever," "when is summer going to finally be here," or "I hate finals" seem to be featured statements right now (on facebook status reports anyway).  I don't care about staying up to date with friends (or even non-friends) recent gripes and complaints.  

Maybe I feel like a blog post reaches a deeper level in a way, and I'm not sure if I want to sacrifice that for convenience and speed.  I also considered joining twitter out of necessity.  Not because I HAVE to stay connected with people but because I do feel like twitter is going to go places and I guess I feel like I don't want to get left behind in a way.  It could evolve into something better that I could be more behind.  Like a music twitter of sorts.  Where a twitter like application taps into your iTunes media player and displays to your friends what song you are currently listening to when you are logged in.  I feel like this would be a cool thing.  I am always wondering what people are listening to when I see ear budded students walking to and from class.  It would be the closest thing to everybody trading in their earbuds for juke boxes and connecting out loud through music.  Part of me also thinks that twitter could evolve drastically financially and I don't want to let a golden opportunity slip through my fingers.  

This stems from a recent surge of interest in stocks and the money market.  I guess with graduation around the corner, I've snapped into money mode.  I don't mean that I am out to get as much money as I can, I'm going to be a teach for pete's sake.  I just mean that I want to take control of my finances and I'm going to really need to be smart and knowledgeable of money markets and investing, especially if I'm going to be a teacher who doesn't want to retire at 70, but wants to travel and explore the world on his summers off.  So, essentially, I've been trying to keep a watchful eye on companies that I think could go huge.  Twitter isn't a publicly traded company but I want to see what they do in the next couple of years.  For now though, I don't see myself using twitter or staying up with it or using it to follow my friends... at least until otherwise convinced.

As for a final topic of discussion, I guess I will update you all with the current game plan after graduation.  Briefly: graduate, summer at camp with middle schoolers, take the CBEST August 8th, attempt to get a substitute teaching job or at least a volunteer job in the very least to get my feet wet.  Side job for extra income (anything really, hopefully some freelance writing) Do that for a year and move to bay area and get credentialed at SFSU.  Research master's programs, but a definite goal before or right after I started a teaching job.

Okay, that was an exhaustive comeback party to my blogging world.  I will most likely come back to some of these issues and have more organized thoughts in my next entry... which will be SOON!

23 Flavors

As I enjoyed a refreshing Dr. Pepper yesterday, I really started to wonder... What are the 23 flavors that Dr. Pepper flouts?  Is this a good thing to have 23 unidentifiable flavors that simply make up the flavor under the ambiguous "Dr. Pepper?"  

Cous cous?

praprika?

nutmeg?

old spice ocean breeze?

How can there be 23 flavors!?

Easy buttonation

I was listening to the radio the other day and I heard a commercial that said, “does your child suffer from lack of concentration, short attention span, or is unable to sit still?”  It was a commercial advertising for a clinical trial of some sort for ADHD, or what I like to call just being a childitus.  Other tragic symptoms not mentioned are: excessive energy, nose picking, and giggling. 

 Now I’m not saying that ADD/ADHD (whatever the differences is besides the “H”) doesn’t necessarily exist (although I admit I might just be saying this because I work for a branch of UCLA that provides services for students with ADD/ADHD and I need to cover my bases) but I think there is a severe over-diagnosis of the condition or syndrome or whatever you want to call it.  Not only is it being over diagnosed but doctors too readily "fix" the problem with prescription drugs like Adderall.  The drug apparently helps such inflicted students to focus yet at what cost?  I have friends who have and haven't been diagnosed with ADHD, some who are getting the pill from friends and some from doctors in order to get through their college classes.  Sure, I've heard it helps with focusing, yet some of these friends admit to having a serious dependency on it.  They can't function like they USED TO off of it without being ON it.  Some of my friends have gone through withdrawal symptoms like dizziness and shaking.  Another friend, who I actually believe has ADHD, takes medication for it but it renders him a zombie.  He has borderline depression.  Is this really the best solution doctors can come up with?  I think trouble focusing and hyper activity is best relinquished with exercise.  Could there be a correlation between ADHD diagnoses and hours of video or television played per week in a child?  Possibly... I think this is worth looking into.  Let us also not forgot how much money media/television and pharmaceutical companies make per year and how this plays a role in the big picture.  I'm not suggesting conspiracies, I'm only putting forth my own observations on the subject.  I honestly feel like a healthy dose of blood flow in today's youth would do the ADHD epidemic a lot of good.  I'm a little tired of society's trigger happy fingers that press away at the EASY button.  Driving north on the 405 you know your are approaching LA by the number of lap band billboards you see per 5 miles.  By the time you reach LA, you see one seriously every two minutes.  One like the following:

I don't think I really have to say much more on the subject.  EASY button bad.  Exercise and hard work good.

On another and possibly self aggrandizing note I just registered for the Long Beach Half Marathon in October.  Any takers?  I wanted to go for the marathon but I thought I better get a halfy under my belt so I don't die at mile 18.

"writing" Update

I began reading Mary Shelley's Frankenstein for class and thought that her introduction correlated with my previous thoughts about writing.  I am normally one not to read author's introduction because they tend to be pretty dry, but we have been focusing on them a lot in this class because they are an important part of the formation of the novel as a genre.  For example, Robinson Crusoe's first edition author's note is not at all by Daniel Defoe but by Robinson Crusoe himself.  He used the character as the author in order to gain higher readership by passing off his fiction as a first-hand non-fiction account.  In Mary Shelley's introduction, she writes the following:

"As a child I scribbled; and my favourite pastime during the hours given me for recreation was to 'write stories'.  Still, I had a dearer pleasure than this, which was the formation of castles in the air - the indulging in waking dreams - the following up trains of thought, which had for their subject the formation of a succession of imaginary incidents.  My dreams were at once more fantastic and agreeable than my writings.  I the latter I was a lose imitator - rather doing as others had done than putting down the suggestions of my own mind.  What I wrote was intended at least for one other eye - my childhood's companion and friend; but my dreams were all my own; I accounted for them to nobody; they were my refuge when annoyed - my dearest pleasure when free..."

mmm... mustache

This blog is hereby dedicated to my mustache - plucked in the prime of his life.  

Some great men have had mustaches:

Mario

Tom Selek

A John Munns used to sport a mean stache back in his day as well

I only wish I could be one of the proud men above but extraneous circumstances have left me stachless.

This is where I was planning on creating a list of the reason's why men should cultivate and care for a lip warmer... but I must now bypass that endeavor and send you loyal readers to the crown jewel... the mecca of the mustache community:  the AMI

YES! You guessed it, the American Mustache Institute, you MUST go to this website!

Book Covers

I was wandering through the UCLA bookstore the other day and came across a book I've been really wanting to read, but I found myself slightly turned.  This wasn't because I had a sudden twinge of repulsion to physical presence of the book or the price, but I didn't like the cover of the book.  

Now I know how the saying goes... "Don't judge a book by its cover..." but how can you not sometimes.  Aren't we all taught the importance of a good first impression?  Is that not what a book is giving us when we look at the cover and read the description on the back.  I'm going to have to clarify; I'm not saying a book has to have an amazing, artfully done cover in order for me to read it.  I actually really like the feel of an old hardcover with no cover - just the gilded lettering of the title and author along the spine.  This is a different kind of beast.  These older books weren't trying to sell anything other than the fiction or non-fiction that is inside.  But its different now.  Pretty much any recent publication of a book will have a thought out cover intended to grab the potential buyers attention.  As a reader and consumer I admit that I fall into this pit.  However, I really enjoy looking to see how an artist has interpreted the contents of the book.  It is extremely difficult to some up an entire book with one image.

The book I saw in the store was Blindness by Jose Saramago.  The cover turned me off.   It wasn't an original piece of artwork, but a movie flyer version of the book that had been re-printed after the release of the movie.  The cover features a giant gold sticker now proclaiming "Now a major motion picture" (implying the notion of well if they made it into a movie... it must be a good book) and the faces of famous people - Mark Ruffalo and Julianne Moore.  My biggest qualm with this is not the fact that the cover art has sold out in a sense (in order to gain the publisher more money through its new stars) but the fact that the reader's experience is slightly compromised.  Some may be able to overcome this obstacle but I have a difficult time doing so.  When I read this book now, I am not going to think of the main characters as my own creative projections of what Saramago is showing me, but as the character as played by Julianne Moore, or as played by Mark Ruffalo.  They no longer become independent characters for the reader to tease out, but like the movie, the reader has a sense that the character is being played in an odd complex way.  Its not the Doctor's Wife anymore.  In my mind it is Julianne Moore as the doctor's wife.  

The original cover of Blindness is below.  If you look at it and analyze it, it is very fitting for the novel.  It depicts the repetition of the word blindness, but with its repetition and pattern it represents the power of words to overcome the effect of the actual blindness, thus in the thick of the "unseeing" you can see through the density of words, one clear word - "blindness" - the title of the book.  Its interesting and deep and symbolic.  I think its what cover art should be.  It is a concept depicting the idea of the book.  It should be art, not just a poster of celebrities.

This blog is making me think about my conversations with CR about The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - the comparison of the story by Fitzgerald and the big screen adaptation... more to come soon...

Summer goals

Summer goals:

take piano lessons

write a song (a little ambitious I know)

make another painting (a portrait of someone.  I'm usually afraid to tackle portraits because I'm not the best with proportions and I tend to be overly critical of my art.  I refuse to do another seascape though)

read~ East of Eden, Anna Karenena, Why We Hate Us, For Whom The Bell Tolls (the first two are extremely long but you gotta aim high right?  I'm going to try and get in the habit of reading a little bit after work and a little bit before bed each day.)  And there really are a lot of other books I want to read but I'm trying to prioritize a little

go to a drive in movie theater again

run/swim at least 5 days a week (I kind of want to run a marathon, and I might as well start)

watch more classic movies.  I really need to watch The Hustle just out of the top of my head

write more

hang out with my friends who I've spent the last two years missing... a lot.

CAMPING (I would love to go on a trip with my dad.  We haven't camped together since my brother and I were 11 years old.  I think it would be great for our relationship to rough it together again.)

cook more often (yes, with like... what's it called?.... oh yes, a recipe)

play pick up basketball and ultimate

become a wine afficionado

take lots of pictures, with my soon to be new camera

go to lots of Padres games

surf

perhaps an ambitious one... not role my ankle this summer.

go to Outside Lands Music Festival

find a real job if I haven't found one yet

spend as much time with the brother as possible

clean up my language (Ryan doesn't read this blog so I can blame him without him getting mad)

hang out with KB....

To be continued...

Writing...

I tried to practice some free writing the other day.  This is what I came up with.  I was trying to do a creative piece but I ended with some sort of meta-narrative on writing

*****

The fountain pen scribbled and sprinted its loops and dots across the blue lined canvas.  Ah, there it is, an example of over-statement!  Lined paper is a blue lined canvas!  How poetic!  How trite!  Is this what I find the most effective way conveying what I want?  No.  Its written how I think I’m supposed to write in order to sound like a writer.  

The act of writing is curiously about finding synonyms and allusions to our everyday.  It is a giant repetition of a world already known.  Cheers to those authors who can envision worlds that we have never dreamt or seen.  Dreams seem like a great space to wander about for mental photographs.  Maybe I should start there, yet I feel dreams are always fuzzy and underexposed.  They are hard to focus and I think we find ourselves trying to bring our everyday comforts into our dreams.  We rarely let a dream stand-alone.  It must mean something!  We say a dream is part of our sub-conscious, our understanding of the world that is there but hides in our blind spots of perception.  So a dream exists only from our own imperceptible recognitions in the everyday, and then what?  We convince ourselves that these leaks of hazy perception that come to us in dreams must have realistic relevance.  Why can’t we just transform a dream into another dream?  Let it cross over into another dream world, one that demands us to step outside of ourselves and give way to the waking dream of a world undiscovered by ANY part of our own reality.  Is this even possible?  To not be influenced in anything at all when it comes to creating.  Is it possible to let the twelve point times new roman escape the focus of our eye and set our fingers free to focus the lens of our mind’s eye?  It seems like a novel idea.  I must admit, it feels impossible.  

I do not appreciate novelty for novelty’s sake.  Creation and creativity aren’t such just because nobody has done it before.  I feel like a skill is required, some sort of mastery over the creative process.  But isn’t mastery relative anyway?  You are better at it then anyone else – mastery—only a term acceptable in its ability to place everyone else in mediocrity.  Isn’t that what’s happening?  Who can judge whether mastery means you are moving above everyone else, or whether everyone else is simply being placed below you.  It is about a movement of extremes.  You are down or up, on top or on the bottom.  Modern fiction today seems to do the same.  Modern novels are popular either in their ability to portray those things in life that are familiar with which we connect, or they are about a world utterly unknown and unattainable to the reader.  It is one or the other, so the option as the writer is to choose.  Writing realistically demands a keen sense of observation.  You must be able to replicate.  You must be able to take your own experiences and twist them just enough.  You must make a synonym of the world you’ve experienced and get it on paper.  The other option is to let your dreams run away from you.  Give them space.  Let them sneak out at night past the neat parameters of your understanding and keep them near enough to make out a shadowy form in the orange lights on the street corners of your imagination.  

Death Cab and The-Odyssey

I have a "sleepy time" mix on my computer which includes some quality songs for catchin' some Zs.  The Nest - Jose Gonzalez, Tenuousness - Andrew Bird, and Train Song - Feist and Ben Gibbard are just a few of the sleepy serenades.  One of the songs I happened to stay coherent enough to listen to the other night was "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab For Cutie.

Its a really pretty song to listen to and is a sweet song of a man's love for a girl, however, the song only works (at least in terms of lyrics) through its agnostic tone.  I mean the song is a love song, but it isn't exactly a song you dedicate to your girlfriend.  It revolves around death and the nothingness that ensues.  The whole point is that while life after death is dismal and unknown, the love of the narrator will remain constant and will "follow her into the dark"

I can just picture the horrified face of my girlfriend if I were to dedicate the song to her as it opens with "someday you will die"... how sweet?  The song is no doubt complicated.  Which I admit I like.  However, I can't help notice the narrator's (assumedly Ben Gibbard, but being an English major I can't assume this is the case) dissatisfaction with his formal ties to the "light" of the afterlife-that being Catholicism.

This is a really common occurrence, but I can sort of see why.  Today's society is progressive and tends to throw away the traditional.  Catholicism is archaic in many ways.  It takes a long time to shift with the common culture, yet isn't this the way it should be?  Modern culture is full of fads and trends.  It isn't culture that should shape religion, but religion that should shape culture.  Religion is counter-culture by nature so its no wonder that the modern culture tends to reject a religion that is trying to remain true to the 2000+ years of theology and tradition while staying pertinent and relevant to today.  It is no doubt a tricky balance.  

While I am Catholic and passionate about the Catholic church, I will not use this blog to proclaim the truth of the Catholic church.  I have my reasons for converting to the church.  Instead, I just want to reflect on the problem that is happening within faith systems everywhere-that is, society's ease in turning from their beliefs.  I bump in the road isn't turning into an obstacle to get over but a place to U turn.  I suppose I see this happening a lot in Catholicism because of all the "rules" that people are unreceptive to AND a mistake to place their opinion of Catholicism solely on one poor example or experience.  Just as in the song, the nun tells the narrator that "fear is the heart of love... so I never went back."  People are hyper-sensitive to the hypocrite factor and the "fire and brimstone" side of religion.  Belief and respect aren't garnered by scarring people or by poor examples.  One of my room mates was raised Catholic and turned his back on it when he discovered some kids doing drugs on the back of a bus en route to a retreat.  Undoubtedly, these instances are discouraging, but such cases really shouldn't dictate our own beliefs.  I feel like people's beliefs have lost its backbone to individualism.  Society tells us to do what is good for us.  It is a selfish attitude.  Religion (most every one that I can think of) teaches self sacrifice.  It is about community, love, connectedness.  If our spiritual beliefs are challenged, shouldn't we say "no, that is wrong... or I don't agree with that"?  When someone says Catholicism is all about gross repetition and hypocritical machines, should I run away to hide from the allegations?  Its easy to run from what seems to be if you aren't sure of what really is.  Yes, I absolutely agree that Catholicism has many guidelines, and cradle Catholics who don't have a faith outside their rehearsed prayers on Sundays, but this isn't the substance of the faith.  A faith is the people, both good examples and bad examples of it.  A faith will naturally have guidelines by which our lives should seek accordance.  Is this all there is though?  Of course not.  The heart of the matter is in the heart of the believer.  The wheat must be taken with the chaff.  You must step back and look at not just the bad examples, but also the good examples and ask yourself, what are all these people getting at?  Everybody is coming from a different place.  Belief and faith aren't always constant, but will flux throughout a person's life.  But everybody is gathered in that place for a reason.  That is when you look into the fundamentals of the church, not just the make up of the outside.  You can't just say I don't like this particular teaching and say I've had enough.  What value is there in dismissing something because it isn't in your immediate understanding or liking?  Since when was God easily understood or his ways the most favorable?  It is a harder route.  I think the key question one must ask themselves when struggling with a spiritual or church teaching is why?  Don't make a hasty or uninformed decision.  Ask why?  Active doubt and disbelief are the two driving forces to a more fruitful spiritual understanding.  The problem isn't doubt, the problem is laziness-complacency.  I think that faith really comes down to taking a microscope to one's own heart and then turning it around to get a view of the church in its larger scope and mission.  The procedure today is rather opposite it seems: scrutinize the church for faults without ever reflecting inward.  Logic and passion must have equal footings.

"Progress should mean that we are always changing the world to fit the vision, instead we are always changing the vision." - GK Chesterton

"The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried." - GK Chesterton

 

Rolling Stone Mag

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

group pictures

Something I always find funny is our ability to judge a group picture's "cuteness" without looking at anyone or anything else in the picture besides ourself.  (I believe the phenomenon is most prevalent among females but I won't discriminate.  We all have some narcissism tucked away in ourselves somewhere don't we?)

Steve Nash

If I was reincarnated into another life I would want to come back as Steve Nash.  There are too many videos on youtube to link to this post but do yourself a favor and search Steve Nash on youtube.  I mean that man is just nasty at basketball, and highlights are fun to watch, but watch interviews and his two ad campaigns for nike and vitamin water.  The guy is hilarious and he pretty much does everything with style.  I think I'm developing a man-crush... try not to judge.

I was thinking about getting into rollerblading...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfKTDMEoC88

I forgot this: Alexandra was a huge fan of blading, so much so that her friends took it upon themselves to put this on her car (and yes, she did hate it)

Forum Posters

The other day I googled conductor's stick to figure out the proper name for such a tool.  I was trying to use it in a creative writing piece I was working on but that is beyond the scope and purpose of this post.  The google results took me to answers.yahoo.com where I found someone else had the exact same question and made a forum so people could post their answers.  Her results that included "ur mom," "the magical music stick," and ultimately the correct answer, "baton," really got me thinking about forums.  

Forums are really handy places to find answers, although sometimes unreliable, to pretty much any question you could have.  I found a lot of helpful forums on dpreview.com since I've been searching for a new camera.  These forum posters seem to be a hybrid of expert advice and novice product reviews.  However, the dpreview forums and other niche forums like apple support are full of great advice because there are bona fide experts replying to user threads.  However, others, like the forum I found at yahoo about batons are curious to me.  How does one go about answering a random forum question on a non-niche sight like yahoo?  It seems some people just have that unquenchable desire to answer questions.  Others seemingly like to make up answers out of poor attempt at humor.  This brings me to my next oddity: when the answer has obviously been posted on the thread already, why are there an additional 10 to 15 responses that have the same exact answer?  I generally go to forums to get a quick answer.  But it is apparent that some people waste a lot of time replying and browsing forums.  They are odd things, but I can't hate on the few weird people who make weird posts when you can pretty much find answers to every question you can imagine.  You just have to sift through the knowledgeable and unknowledgeable people to find what you're looking for.

Another thing, don't let this here post deter you from replying to my posts... of course I am referring to anonymous replies and not the replies of friend-to-friend blog perusing.  Don't be shy... Mike... Krista (its so easy to micromanage your blog when you only have two people replying to it... hahaha) 

p.s. I'm sure you looked great in puka shells.

"Hey dude, you left the sticker on..."

Brad's fashion don'ts:

Let's be honest, I don't consider myself in to fashion but I'll admit there are a few things that I try hard to avoid.... very hard.

sleeveless shirts - either wear a t-shirt or a tank top, there shouldn't be an in between

hats with the size sticker left on the bill - why?

ankle socks - I'm more of a crew or low cut kinda guy, not really sure why.

Oakley sunglasses - okay, unless you're Jeremy Warner they're just too extreme. 

shoes with plaid on them.

puka shell accessories - was this ever cool?  Ask Kenny Chesney...

thin chin strap facial hair

I guess you get the picture. 

Hey guys, big gulps uh?.... Welp! See ya later.

Thoughts On...

dancing with the lights on....

I love the "light on effect" at dances where young people are gathered.  When the lights are off at a club or a dance hall or whatever you want to call it, you can see vague flashing strobe lit figures bumpin and grindin on the dance floor having a grand ol' time.  Its pretty out of control I think.  When did dancing turn in to imitation copulation on a hardwood floor with fancy shoes?  Some of the older generation might ask, when will this stop?  How far can it go?  Well, having had the privilege of attending such feverish events, I can say it will all stop with the flick of a switch.  There is nothing more entertaining than watching the faces of two fine young people stare each other in the face with complete shame as they realize they weren't really dancing... or were they.  In the dark, its called "dancing" but when the lights go on unexpectedly, it seems to be something else that nobody wants to be a part of.  Hmmm... interesting. 

Cars with push ignitions....

I could see a use for these cars if you didn't have to have a key to get in to the car.  However, from my experience, which I admit is limited to a small stint in a Prius, there really isn't any point.  You have to put a square stick into a little slot in the car and then push the ignition button to start the car.  What's the point of the push ignition if you have to carry around a "key" with you anyway, which is actually larger than a normal car key...

I realize these past points make me sound a little geriatric and detached from my fellow generation.  This could be true... my body seems to think so seeing that I am currently nursing my billionth ankle sprain of my life.  I used to think I would sometimes fit in better in another generation... maybe the 30's or 50's, I don't know, there are pros and cons to each generation but I feel like I sympathize with an ideal or style or music of a generation long gone.  If you could live through your twenties in another decade, which would you choose...

Sailing

Captain's Log

April 26, 2009

Today Krista and I became light wind (up to 15 knots) dinghy certified sailors.  The course lasted 8 hours today and yesterday, so it was pretty time consuming, but it was really a lot of fun.  I used to hate sailing; my dad used strap my brother and I into life preservers and would drag us on to his old boat for hours of boredom.  I wish we would have been able to appreciate that boat before he sold it, not after.  Nonetheless, I have developed quite a liking for the open sea.  

We sailed Capri 14's, a two person "recreation" boat, although "recreation simply means that there is slightly more space in the boat than a quicker racing grade boat of the same size.  There really wouldn't be too much room for more than two, but its doable in theory.  I proud to say that we did not capsize either days, on purpose anyway, (day one we had to in order to learn how to flip the boat back up) despite moderately high winds, at least for beginners anyway.  When our instructor wasn't making fun of the foreign people in the class, he was telling us how our entire relationship's future could be dictated by how well we sail together.  Well, thanks John, I think we did just fine.  Sailing does really require a lot of communication and team work in all honesty though, but Krista and I managed to keep the boat right side up the whole weekend, though I admit we did come close once.  I when I say close, I mean the leeward (that is side of the boat opposite the wind) side of the boat was completely submerged for a good 2 seconds at one point.  We had to jump to the high side of the boat in order to keep it down.  It was quite the adventure!  I really like the sailing (not just boating) part of our water adventure.  Maneuvering a craft by just the wind can be quite challenging, but way more exciting and rewarding when you get it, especially when you get a good close haul point of sail and you have your main sheet pulled nice and tight so that you start to keel, requiring you to lean out the windward side to flatten out the boat, and then you whip around a quick tack sending the boom flying over your head....  Sorry, I got carried away.  If you get a chance, go sailing!  

I'm available as crew or skipper upon request :-)

When I was your age... VH1 aired music videos

My room mates were watching VH1 today, the show was 40 Dumbest Celebrity Quotes which included the Governator himself saying "I think gay marriage should be between a man and woman" at number 1.  

Some of the quotes were slightly entertaining but it mostly got me thinking about the recent content of VH1, that is, Video Hits One, something I admit I had to look up.  VH1, who used to boast the slogan "music first" seems to have jumped off the music bus somewhere along the way to reality land.  At one point, they must have decided that music videos were boring.  Solution: Pop up video.  When pop up video became obsolete it seems that reality tv was the next logical step...somehow.  Now, one can only enjoy a show that has to do with watching a former celebrity's dramatic downfall and and dating pitfalls, or making a fame thirsty idiot into a celebrity (shows like "I love money" come to mind).  It is quite the balance they have working over there at VH1 headquarters.  With the scales going either one way or another, music videos have been stuck in the middle.  I don't watch too much television but out of the top of my head I can think of two shows they have that are still dedicated to music.  One are the between show blurbs about artists on the rise called "You oughta know" and a music video program called "Nocturnal State" aka early morning programming filler.  

I don't really go out of my way to watch music videos but I do enjoy them when they are on.  Music + a director's visual interpretation of that music always interested me.  Its fun seeing how the meaning of a song sometimes can change a little when you watch the music video.  Or, even if it doesn't change, many music videos are just flat out cool to watch.  For instance, I'm not a huge fan of the white stripes or Okay Go but the video to "Fell In Love With a Girl" and "Here It Goes Again" are freaking sweet. They are so original and visually stimulating.  

I know music videos aren't extinct, but they are just heavily niched in the internet now, which pretty much means you have to go look for them.  You can't just stumble across them while channeling surfing anymore.  Instead, you get half naked girls with retarded nicknames vouching for celeb studs like Flava Flave.  I'd rather get a music video, thank you.  I suppose I'm going to have to start poking around the web to see what's going on with my favorite artists in the visual world.  Two common (but not all) approaches I've seen are the animated, like M. Ward's Chinese Translation.  Or the artist featured choreography type of video like in Greg Laswell's How the Day Sounds (note the apperance of Elijah Wood...huh?).  Another common video is obviously the live taping of a show with omniscient views of backstage activities and such like in Kings of Leon Use Somebody.  Why do I have to stay up till 3 in the morning in order to watch these, or go bounty hunter on them on the internet?  Lets get back to the game plan VH1 (and MTV....)

Current Events

Arbitrary things I've been thinking about today that I...

want... Canon EOS XS SLR camera

like... the music and lyrics to Ray LaMontagne's "Empty"

dislike... automatic flushing toilets that decide you're ready to go wash your hands

am planning on attending... Outside Lands Music Festival

want to try... Monte Cristo Sandwich

want to read... Why We Hate Us by Dick Meyer

short list... more to come....

Blow Out: Everything On Sale!

The morning of Saturday April 18th has become an important marker in the evolution of my manhood.  I changed my first tire at 22 years old.  You may be wondering if I'm serious about the importance of this event, and rather than now telling you whether or not I'm exaggerating, I'll just let you keep wondering.  

I must admit, I did have an inflated sense of pride in my existence as a male.  I feel like changing a tire is a lost art of sorts in the chapter of men.  This day and age, who needs to know how to change a tire when you can call AAA and have some other guy do the job?  Or you could avoid the complicated phone altogether and press the magical "Onstar" button that sends a grease covered hero to your side.  

I feel like the age of practical knowledge is lost.  I don't know when or how it went away, but there is a noted helplessness in today's society that forces us to use a micro-economic bailout.  We don't have to do anything ourselves anymore, a service can be provided for everything.  Obviously, there are necessary services that one needs (the common person can't replace their own car engine or fly their own plane) but I'm not talking about needs, I'm talking about services that we don't need but are willing to pay for.  I know a woman who has a service taking care of peoples DMV errands (which means she is essentially getting paid to wait in line for whoever is unwilling to do so themselves).  

I started thinking about this when my friend Chris was asking where I was Saturday morning in a text message.  He replied to my text "I had a blowout but I'm on my way" with "like a flat tire?"  I was tempted to respond with a sarcastic "no, I was slowed down by a huge blowout sale I saw off the freeway."  It really is true though, I feel like America is obsessed with using commerce to pass their day to day menial problems onto someone else.  There was a day when every boy was instructed in the art of practical knowledge.  Every man was a handy man.  Now: you can look up a "handy man for hire" in the yellow pages.  Why are we becoming so atrophied?... Can everything be bought?  

Apparently manhood can be purchased, or so society would like us all to think.  Hmmm... lets see, just an example... extenze or enzyte.  Of course, for just a small fee you can purchase a pill that gives you manhood you can really measure.  Really?  I've always liked the idea of woman providing the best reflection of a guy's own manhood.  After all, what is a man if there were no women?  But still, commerce must be removed.  Too many men try to develop a masculine identity through the "purchasing" of women in adult magazines.  How about instead of exchanging money for product or services, we exchange respect and self worth.  Manliness is not for sale.  Treat a woman with love and decency and if you get a flat tire... fix it!

Coachella 2009

Coachella was this last weekend.  I wasn't able to cowboy up to buy the three day pass for the full weekend, but Saturday was really amazing in itself.  I was really impressed with the venue.  Coachella, CA, a little desert town just east of palm springs can throw a serious music festival.  I was pleasantly surprised at the lush green grass that covered the entire venue.  I was expecting dead dry grass (like in Austin which wreaked havoc on my sinuses), but my feet were totally content to be with out any sole the entire day.  

The other thing that I was impressed by were the art exhibits.  The layout of the music and art was really great.  I was sort of expecting a grassy vacuum between each stage, but there were all kinds of interesting large scale art pieces that made a cruise around the fields about more than just music.  When the sun went down, most of the pieces had lighting installations that were a sight to see.

photo by Tristan Savatier

Obviously though, Coachella was about the music!  I was fortunate to see Blitzen Trapper, Dr. Dog, Jenny Lewis, Fleet Foxes, Band of Horses, Calexico, and others in passing.  I have to say that Band of Horses easily put on the best show.  All the music was great, but their set really impressed me.  Everyone must see them if you get a chance, as well as listen to their song "The General Specific"!  One of my favorite aspect about seeing this band is getting to see each personality in the band that you would otherwise miss out on.  The bass player of this band was a lot of fun to watch.  I put him up there with the drummer for the Helio Sequence (Benjamin Weikel).  These guys are the backbone of the band, but they play with the enthusiasm of a frontman.  I think its easy for percussion and bass to get lost on stage, hiding in the shadows, providing the necessary rhythm and beats for the vocals and guitars.  These guys though really make their presence felt on the stage and I enjoy the music that much more.  Swaying hips and bent knees, contorted facial expressions, and an energy that feeds off each member of the band-thats what being in a band is all about-being so into the music you're playing that dreamers like me can not just hear it, but see it and feel it.  I dig it. 

Acid Tongue

Coachella is this weekend.  In light of this fact, I've been trying to listen to more artists that I will be seeing there, one of which being Jenny Lewis.  I actually saw her for the first time at my first music festival experience (Austin City Limits) back in September.  I hadn't listened to any of her solo stuff (which conveniently includes Johnathan Rice) before then, but I really enjoyed her set.  Despite this, I didn't actually get her CD Acid Tongue until yesterday (I admit I burned it from a friend... Sorry Jenny).  

I listened to track 5, "Acid Tongue," around 15 times today (granted, I put in a 7 hour shift behind the OSD van today) and its amazing.  I'm still not sick of it.  I remember loving it when I first heard it live in Austin.  Its so simple!  One guitar played by Jenny, with her male band providing vocal harmony.  It was just that in Austin; Jenny Lewis on a stool and her guys surrounding her.  It was legit.  

The song is just flat out beautiful but I think its more appealing because I can imagine the live performance, and it makes me think of that trip.  After the song was finished, Jenny cried.  Not sobs, but just a few streaks down her cheeks, and concluded by raising her heineken to the crowd.  I really appreciate musicians who can pour that much into a song.  I'm done blabbing... just listen-

1-800-Flowers Comes Through!

I was looking at flower packages online today.  I thought it'd be a nice thing to do for my girlfriend who just moved into a new place.  I wonder what she would think of these:

Pretty romantic uh?  What girl wouldn't want her floral arrangement and home decor to look like a mug of beer?  Yes!  Get excited Krista!

"Fwd:!!!"

My first order of business is apologizing for the hypocritical nature of this inaugural post.  

That said, I must tell you that I will never send an email to anyone with the notorious "Fwd:" anywhere in the subject header.  The lucky recipient of such an email is likely to find amusing claims after the "Fwd:" such as "hilarious pictures!!!" or "must see this!!!"  The number of exclamations marks clearly denotes the level of pleasure the previous viewer had right?  Well... not exactly... not in my mind anyway.  Maybe I've been desensitized to spaghetti covered, bib-wearing kittens from over-exposure to AFV videos in my early childhood.  None-the-less, I'm not the biggest fun of these emails and I tend to delete the contents before I even look at them.  

Simply said, "Fwd: funny" is as good as trash in my gmail inbox.

Fortunately, the "Fwd:" email isn't to be outdone by the "Fwd:" text msg.  I delete those as fast as they promise my imminent death if I don't forward  it myself  to 10 of my friends.  

However, I've got to say that while the text message is more annoying than the email, I find it more permissible than the latter.  I can't hold it against my adolescent cousins for including me in there schoolyard shenanigans and giving me the honor of sharing in their newly discovered social and technical liberties.  On the other hand, the email usually comes from a sort of office space delirium that forces adults (usually family) to forward whatever little glimpse of delight that happens to pass by their strained eyes and carpel tunneled hands to everyone they know.

Yes.  I know this is all quite dramatic, but this brings me to the point. 

I am a changed man!  By some fluke I happened to read such an email that my mom sent me.  And by some other fluke, I actually found it to be really hilarious.  I actually laughed out loud (some of you may know this now antiquated expression as LOL) when I read it.  So despite my aversion to linking forwarded messages to even more people, I must share this with you:

Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus

mark as unread

Men are from Mars, Women from Venus RECEIVED FROM AN ENGLISH PROFESSOR:

You know the book Men are from Mars, Women from Venus? Well, here's a prime example of that. This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted).

English 44A

SMU

Creative Writing

Prof. Miller

In class Assignment for Wednesday:

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached. And now, the Assignment as submitted by

Rebecca & Gary:

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...". But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for physically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel", Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?", she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu-udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu-udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

Asshole.

Bitch.